'Twas the night before Jihad, but deep in the mosque
There was some disagreement, and ideas were still tossed
The bombs were as ready as ready could be
But still no decision what the target should be

"It must be the White House!" Big Abdullah said
"It's been ordered and planned that Bush should be dead"
But Achmed and Fisal, Abu and Jamal
Said they wanted to die in a big shopping mall

"With so many Liberals, Bush won't be reelected"
"As for our plans, they can be redirected"
"We should take out Americans the way we kill Jews"
"A bunch at a time, that's much bigger news"

Then at the door there arose such a clatter
The Jihadis jumped up and started to scatter
Six ran for the windows and five for the stair
"By Allah," they cried, "there's police everywhere!"

The crash of the door being rammed by the Feds
Made the vision of virgins fly out of their heads
They covered their eyes as a flash-bang went off
And into the room stepped AG Ashcroft

In an FBI helmet, and a jacket for flack
He held up a copy of the Patriot Act
More rapid than genies his agents they came
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name

"CIA, INS, ATF, and G-men,"
"State police, local SWAT, come in behind me, men!"
"Thanks to the new law we can share information,"
"Yes it's thanks to this law that we're in this location"

The CIA overseas uncovered this order
And INS tagged Abdullah as he crossed the border
Then surveillance by state cops and local cops, too
With wiretaps and informants gave us, finally, enough clues

Tonight we were lucky, but it may not always be
It's time that we learned from our own history
We've faced similar problems in an earlier day
With World War II Nazis and the KKK

You can only have freedom when men play by the rules
If enough of them don't, you need tougher tools
To keep our old freedoms most men must be good
If we tolerate evil, then we're all screwed

Islam is not peaceful, so don't be misled
Koran says all infidels should end up dead
And, frankly, they're right to consider us fools
God can't bless America when we throw out His rules

Yes we're asking for Jihad when we throw out God's rules!